Reducing Stress By Living Honestly

This past weekend my oldest daughter had two days of interviews for major college scholarships. If she was awarded either of them it would not only take care of the financial burden of college, but also put her in a network of people that would give her untold opportunities both at the university and when she started her career.

While at a dinner honoring the scholarship finalists, one well-meaning gentleman suggested that Alex should say to the interviewers that she might not attend NC State if she was not awarded the scholarship. He said that would make them more likely to award her one of the scholarships to make sure she attended the university. I wasn't comfortable with his suggestion, and Alex later commented, "I can't do that. It would be a lie. I know I want to attend NC State. Saying anything else would be wrong."

Of course as a parent, I was elated. As life changing as this scholarship would be, Alex knew that nothing was worth lying-or even stretching the truth for. Doing such a thing adds mental and emotional baggage that limits our ability to live life to the fullest.

I think on a daily basis many of us lie to ourselves and others about our work or life situation or circumstances and unnecessarily increase the stress levels to "keep face" about the lie we previously told. Some instances might include:

• Telling ourselves we don't need a little more rest to be more productive.
• Telling others that we can handle an increased workload when in reality we do need some relief.
• Telling ourselves that we will look weak to our spouses if we are honest with them about fears, angst or depression (Hint: They already know).
• Holding back from telling others about career plans, dreams or personal pursuits because we don't want to look "silly" or appear immature.
• Failing to be honest with someone about how their comments hurt or angered us. Each day we postpone talking with them, we prevent the mental wounds from healing.

Life is too short to carry around mental baggage created by worrying that what we said will be found out to be a lie... or trying to make it a truth. Always answering honestly (appropriate for the moment of course) is one way to reduce the incredible stress levels present in our lives.

Violating The Value of Limits

We (me, you, our society) are violating a critical life principle and the consequences are not good. The principle? There is value in limits. Recall your childhood days for a moment-your parents or other adults in your life wouldn't let you have all the chocolate or ice cream you wanted. And if they did... well, you know how that turned out. As a driver of an automobile, you know the importance of observing the speed limit. A level of restraint is required in purchases if we want to be financially sound.

Why is it then, that we don't follow the  same principle when it comes to information? Even though too much of anything else is detrimental to our well-being, we somehow rationalize that too much information is never a bad thing. And look where it's gotten us. Disjointed conversations fractured by phone rings or chimes, lower productivity due to information overload and even diminished quality of "real time" relationships because we are trying to keep up with a bazillion virtual connections.

For one day, try reducing the amount of information you allow into your mind. You might just find that there is value in limits.

Limiting Fun Limits Your Success

In a recent study by the Trident Fun Index, Americans were found to be lacking in their moments of fun. Nineteen (19%) even said they couldn't remember the last time they had fun. The reasons given included lack of money and time.

While the word "fun" needs to be defined better to further understand the findings, it does highlight the need for change in our thinking. These moments of fun are crucial to reviving our motivation and even recharging our physical bodies (think about how you feel after a good laugh). Leaving them out of our day decreases the resources we have to deal with the challenges in our life that are not considered fun.

Eighteen percent (18%) of the respondents even said they didn't do anything fun on a daily basis. What about you? What are you planning on doing today that you would consider fun? Leaving it out of your day is just setting you up for less than blue ribbon results.

You can read more about the survey here.

When It's Not Growing Season

Earlier this week I had the opportunity to drive through some of the most fertile agriculture land in the United States. As I marveled at the rich, dark soil I also thought about the amazing farmers who make this land so productive. During the coming Winter they will work on equipment, plan planting schedules, research best growing practices and maybe even take some much needed time for themselves.

In the next couple of weeks you will have the chance to take a break from your own busy "growing season" at work. How will you spend it? Hopefully you will take the time to celebrate many harvest moments from this past year and prepare your own "planting schedule" for 2012.

Just realize that growing season will be here again before you know it.

Two Lists For the Holidays

All week I have kept trying to tell myself that it is still October. Saying it is November rushes me to Thanksgiving and then it's a free fall to Christmas. "There's so much more I want to get accomplished this year!" I tell myself. And I feel the tension rising as I fight to stay motivated to tackle the ever increasing list of things undone.

Too often in the past I have literally wrecked my holiday season trying to squeeze every ounce of productivity out of each day. While it may have helped get one or two more items marked off my task list, I found that I was not enjoying time with family, friends or even myself because I was tormented by things not yet accomplished.

This year I offer all of us "Type A" personalities a different approach. I have identified 4-5 projects that are a priority for me for the remainder of the year that can be accomplished in a reasonable amount of time before mid December. After I get those done, anything else will be "icing on the cake." I am pledging to myself not to miss the joy offered by time with family and friends during the holiday season. As I say in my new book, Some things happen only once.

If you have not already done so, get started on this list of 4-5 priorities. That exercise might also help reduce your stress with that OTHER list-the gifts for those special people in your life.